Book 1: Interruptions, Intersections, and Insight

Book 1: Interruptions, Intersections and Insights

In Warrington’s stories she describes an assortment of sad, delightful, wacky, and ordinary events that have enriched her life with humor and irony. The stories piece together what she’s learned about friendships and old age as well as her delight in new by-chance friendships. Several stories reveal elements of wonder that we now describe as magical realism. A spontaneously shattering bowl, a dream that provides an answer, a provocative meeting with a Catholic sister all turn into life lessons that remind the writer and the reader that we’re not as smart as we think we are. Mystery remains in our lives and we may as well accept “wonder” as a positive response rather than an inability to explain away every phenomenon.

"Fabulous Book of Essays, Easy to Love......I was completely taken aback by this wonderful book by Freda Warrington. It is a delightful book by an excellent writer who expresses her deep love of people, things, family, friends and LIFE, in the most wonderful and special way. At once moving, deep, funny, engaging, profound, sad, uplifting and deeply human, this book gives us all an amazingly well expressed sense of what it is to be alive and to be part of the human community. While it is in fact the story of a woman, it transcends the usual sense of gender to express with extraordinary sensitivity the human condition, what it is like to love, to be loved, lose those closest to us, experience the sense of wonder that possessions can express to our psyche, and to feel and understand with greater depth how the ordinary really is not ordinary at all, but a part of OUR lives, which translates to the very depths of how we feel and experience this trip called life. I found the book deeply profound and wonderful, and highly recommend it to anyone wanting to mine the depths of what it is to be TRULY human."

"I love everything about this book ; the title, the chapter headings, the character and ease of the writing. The reader can tell from this book, that the author has a wonderful outlook on life, which she shares with you in these very real stories, all told with love, warmth. and of course great insight into people and life in general. Each story as told by Freda, perhaps partially because of having been there myself, whether sad or humorous, or just oddly interesting, somehow left me with a nice feeling of connection to the human race, as well as a more objective look into the unfolding of my own life."

"Alternately heartwarming and heartbreaking, Freda Warrington's essays made me smile at times, and weep at others. Whether writing about family relationships, friendship, death, or broken bowls, she brings both passion and clarity. She does not avoid hard truths and the pain they can bring, and never indulges in glib sentimentality. Her depth of feeling for her subjects is evident in her prose, which is at the same time both straightforward and elegant. Her insights have inspired me to reflect on my own life, on events large and small, on cosmic questions, and on the little mysteries. For me, the writer is like the Jewish grandmother I wish I'd had, but never knew, the grandmother who died several years before I was born. In my imagination my Bubbie would have been as wise, warm, generous, and loving as Ms. Warrington seems, as glimpsed through this marvelous collection of her writing."

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Suggested Discussion Questions

Please use these questions or create your own to suit your reading group.

Dead Wall Revelation
(click on "Z. Grinberg, M.D" to read entire speech)
(click on "Honeh and Avrom Boyarsky" to read the events surrounding the Baltrimanz murders)

1. Are there secrets and whispers in your family? Do you believe they’re better left unspoken? How can you determine whether or not to disrupt the status quo and open a potential “can of worms?”
2. In this essay, the writer trusts her instinct and does not throw away the original photo in the filigree frame. Do you trust your instincts? Why or why not?
3. Does the Holocaust subject matter make you more or less anxious to hear the truth? Have you in your personal life been able to make sense or come to grips with that genocide? Does this story in any way help you understand the times?
4. Can you understand the reluctance of children to leave the old folks in order to emigrate to America? In Dead Wall, the three sisters stayed in Lithuania and the two sons went to America. Did the culture of the times make it inevitable that the daughters would not escape?
5. Have you decided to label important photos for the future generations or even to write some history? Or do you prefer to live in the here and now without regard to the past and future? Is it difficult to keep a healthy relationship with the past and still remain firmly rooted in the present?
6. Does it matter if the photo is documented as the family digging their graves, or is it more important that the photo was kept as a reminder for Max?

Z. Grinberg, M.D. Speech 6/10/1945

Honeh and Avrom Boyarsky

A Dream Come True
1. Does mysticism have any place in today’s world? Can one reconcile devils, demons, angels, dybbuks and dreams in a scientific world? If so, how?
2. Was locating the ring through this dream a simple confluence of mathematical combinations?
3. What magical events have occurred to you and can you explain them? Should you try?

The Samovar and The Egg

Freyde and her family know many details of the lives of their ancestors from Padua, Italy in the 1400’s. Would you expect her to feel more “comfortable” knowing her place in the world than Joy who has no information about her mother’s past? Does knowledge of your family tree impact you in any way? How? Why are there so many genealogists?
Do the rituals of the 3 ½ minute egg as well as the polishing of the samovar for the purpose of bonding with the past remind you of any of your own rituals or traditions? How are they important to you? What do you think the daily egg meant to Joy?
What, if anything, is lost if rituals disappear? What do you believe is the role of ritual in a home? Is the role of ritual different in a Jewish home from a non-Jewish home? Have you recreated in your home some of the same rituals and traditions you learned in your family of origin? What was the most important one to your parents? Are they as important to you?
The oral tradition is powerful but might such traditions as mitzvah be embedded in genetic code like the shy gene is said to be embedded? Or, is the practice of mitzvah more likely to be passed along through learned behaviors from preceding generations?
How many of us have childhood friendships that have endured for a lifetime? Can you describe what has kept them alive? What is most likely to ruin them?

Shiva Candle Skeptic

Do you have unrealistic expectations around the belief that you will feel relief after a protracted dying experience has ended?
What do you think it was about the shiva candle that brought relief? Have you ever experienced anything like this personally?
Did it have anything to do with the writer being proud to have honored her mother in the way her mother would have loved? Or might it have had more to do with the passage of time? Or was it a process whereby the writer talked the pain out with herself?
Can we consider the shiva candle a hocus pocus tradition if it actually works? For that matter, is any tradition hocus pocus if it serves a purpose. What do you think about the tradition of a birthday cake and blowing out candles all in one breath? What is its purpose?
What is useful about other Jewish traditions such as the groom shattering the glass underfoot at his wedding? The Mezuzah? The Tallit? Mitzvah? How do they all have a role in comforting the one who practices the tradition?

The Blintz As Metaphor

Do you see the blintz as metaphor? For what?
Do you have something you do or something you cook for a person that is a metaphor? Is it always appreciated? Do you work without an expectation of return?
Do you ever give something with the belief that the concept of “pay it forward” is real? Does this story lend credence to this notion?
Can pay-it-forward happen among strangers? If so, is that the ultimate in setting an example in altruism? Has this happened to you or for you? Is it too worrisome in this litigious era to step into or intervene in any way? Do you worry that “no good deed goes unpunished?”

A Golden Box of Bones

Do you allow thoughts, schedules, or preconceptions to get in the way of here-and-now moments? Do you miss the moment itself as you attempt to capture it on camera?
How good are you at listening? Do you accept easily or do you question every little thing?
Do you feel the need to solve everyone’s problems? Do you exhaust yourself trying?
Where have you found the wonder and enchantment in your life?
Do you think that miracles are open to everyone and this writer didn’t have to apologize for being a “cultural” Jew?

Shattered

Have you ever felt guilty for caring a lot about something you own? Does caring about your treasures and artifacts mean that you cannot be a spiritual person? Are priests and rabbis and other clergy less godly if they care about things as well as the inner spiritual lives of themselves and others?
What (or whom) have you lost unexpectedly that has jolted you in some way?
Have you accepted the notion that we are human and not clairvoyant?
Does that frighten and paralyze you or does it encourage you to make adjustments in your life or relationships?
How do you pick up the pieces once your bowl has shattered? Do you toss them in the trash and forget it? Do you glue it together but always remember how that crack came out of nowhere? Would that way forward undermine serenity?
What can someone learn from a “shattered bowl” experience? Was it a useful experience? If so, how?
What would life be like if we lived always on the edge of our seats waiting for mayhem, destruction, or the other shoe to drop? Might we learn something from the Israelis about what attitudes to adopt to keep us vigilant and yet comfortable?

Of All Sad Words...

Did Ethel or her brother make the more valuable contribution to this world and are we in a position to pass judgment?
What do you personally value more, Ethel's dedication to her mother and family or her brother's dedication to his work?
Would you rather spend time with an independent and brilliant legal mind or a devoted, compassionate, woman with enormous capacity for forgiveness?
Do you believe that any one person has the capacity to operate in both spheres? How might someone create a balance in his or her life?
Who looked forward and who looked back. Did the one who looked back ultimately look forward? Can you let go of the past or do you continue to try to “fix” things that may not be able to be corrected?
In what ways do you think the depression era may have influenced the behaviors of Ethel and her brother? Was Jewish intolerance for interfaith marriage implicated in the rift in the relationship? In the last 70 years how much has tolerance allowed for interfaith marriage? Does this shift dilute or strengthen Judaism?

The Winter of the Scarf

Do you ever clash with an inanimate object such as a camera, a piece of audio equipment, a toaster, or an item of clothing? Do you throw it away? Do you disregard it or erupt in violence with a kick in frustration?
Does perfectionism ever get in your way and set up a paralysis of action? Is it worth your time and energy to force yourself to practice overcoming your resistance? Do you have examples of successes?
Is it a fair for an adult to blame a parent for a character defect such as the writer who blamed her father, cursed as he was with perfect pitch? At what age do we become masters of our own behaviors? Age two? Age twenty one?
Can you think of alternative plans for the scarf besides the ones either discarded or decided upon?
Why does the writer move into the present tense half way through the story?

One Door Closes

Have you ever enjoyed a serendipitous intersection with a new friend just as you have lost an old one?
Do you consider the notion of one door closing and another one opening too corny to be a useful metaphor for looking on the bright side? Are you ever too old to open yourself up to new friendships? Would you understand if someone was too exhausted to take on a new friendship/relationship?

Dopplegangers

Does it seem likely or unlikely that these two women, from two different continents have become the best of friends? What are the prerequisites for friendship? And what is needed to maintain a friendship? Physical proximity? Simpatico political and values idealogies? Family ties?
Do you believe that friendships have to be 50-50 in terms of giving and taking? How do you determine if you value your friend enough for you to contribute more than your 50%?
What are the dangers of creating high expectations such as those that one Freda conjured around Blackbird Cottage?
Do you think that Buckaroo Bonzai is correct and no matter where you go there you are? Is that notion imbued with wisdom or is it simple truth?
If you think that it’s a wise and simple truth, who is your doppelganger?
How might this story have played out differently if one Freda had dismissed the stack of books in the Berlin bookstore? How does one determine whether she is creating overload in his or her life by following up on interesting intersections? Do you know from the start which intersections are harmless, which are fun and interesting, and which may be dangerous?

Inevitable?

What do you think of the writer’s “gift” to Stan’s family? Was that dishonesty or kindness?
What do you think about Stan’s plan? Do you think he had any thoughts of what his death would mean to his family?
Is there anything else you need to know about Stan for the purpose of this essay?
Is this essay more the story of a suicide or the story of the impact of a sudden death on those around him?
Do you ever ignore the call-waiting feature on your telephone? Has it ever been a life or death call?

Thank You, Warden

Can you explain how “Chemistry” works between two people? What does the writer mean by their Swiss cheese relationship?
Have you known people with disabilities or oddities that you come to overlook once you know the individual? How easy is it to look past the quirks of a person in order to see inner beauty? Are you good at this or do you get hung up on looks and physical manifestations? Do you have difficulty respecting overweight people? Do you have the same problem with thin eating disordered people?
Have you ever planned a long trip and still come away with your plans up in smoke?
Do you have any thoughts about Joanie’s mother refusing the photos? Do you have any feelings about Joanie’s mother refusing the photos? Where do you think you would stand on this issue if you lost a child?

...Another Man's Treasure

Is it hard to admit to caring about things enough that you want to hand them down after your death to someone who will honor and appreciate them? Are the items always valuables or are they sometimes of sentimental character?
Or, do you say I don’t care what happens to my collection of rare books or Russian eggs or Mother’s bone china because I will be dead anyway? What does your answer say about you?
While the wife thought of the drugstore artifacts as “debris,” they were treasures to the husband. Have your personal values of debris versus treasure ever created conflict in your relationships?
Do you have packrat tendencies or are you Spartanlike in your preference to rid your environment of what you consider “clutter.” Does the clutter get in the way of allowing you to entertain guests, locate things, or vacuum or dust? Who or what determines the way you live?
Do you have empathy for the father keeping his outdated Pharmacopoeia?
Do you have a taste for primary source ephemera such as Clarence’s Civil War newspapers?
Why do people collect antiques to add to their households?
When is it a good idea to throw out diaries or old love letters and why? When is it a good idea to preserve old diaries and love letters? In other words, how do we know in the present how they will be considered by future generations? Gold or garbage?

Elixir for Auntie

Why does the writer use the word “proud” to describe Auntie Freda giving the Brompton’s Cocktail recipe to her nurses? What justification did she have for this and what do you think of her friends, the nurses, who administered it?
Of what importance is the tragic death of Auntie’s friend, Ann, to the theme of the story? Does it add to the theme of carefully laid plans being interrupted or can you dismiss that event as a cruel irony?
Auntie Freda’s plan to ease herself out of death was orchestrated carefully. Ann’s death was completely random. What is the writer saying about the capriciousness of death?
What are the differences between ethics and mores? How have medical rules changed? When and how does a doctor decide when to tell the patient the truth? Do you think Auntie would have wanted to hear the truth? Do you support the doctors’ decision? Do you have strong personal opinions about knowing or not knowing the truth of a medical diagnosis? Does it have anything to do with your attempts to control life? Or trust in your physicians?

Dying As a Complication of Living

Mother planned out her days and her life in meticulous detail. What are the positives and negatives to making such plans? Was it completely useless for Mother to plan or do you think that the planning allowed her a measure of comfort she would otherwise not have had?
How does planning impact the people around you?
Do you prefer to be around spontaneous non-planners or structured planners? Where do you fall in the continuum between the two extremes? Can you change the way you operate? Would you want to change it? In what way?
Do you already know how you want to end your days? Some people say, “If I get that way, take me out and shoot me.” Is that selfish? Is that asking too much of the people who love you?
How do you feel about the writer’s guilt over not being present during the final days of her mother’s life? Are you angry with her? Do you think you have the strength to do what she could not do? Was she cruel and selfish to wish her mother would refuse to eat?
In what way was the geriatrician’s Do Not Resuscitate question a legitimate one to ask? Do you think that by asking the question, she was subtly pressuring the Mother to agree to let go of life? Or do you think it is up to God to choose when “to call home” His people?

Bought With Butter

As you read through Bought with Butter, is it easy, or at least understandable, to see how fascinated the writer became as she uncovered one historical fact after another?
Do you think the writer was a busybody imposing her own values on those of her husband who really didn’t care or know enough to care?
Would the Burkett tall case clock been as valuable a family heirloom if it didn’t have a history attached to it? In the grand scheme and after several more generations have passed, is its provenance more or less meaningful? Does the answer depend on the inheritor’s interest or lack of interest?
How did the mores of the times impact the lives of some of the Burkett family and their relatives? Does this story have any relevance in today’s world as it relates to divorce, interfaith, or interracial marriage?
How are the fields of archaeology, historical research, and medicine alike?
Have you ever become so immersed in any subject to the degree that you forgot to eat and time raced past? Was that a great feeling or somewhat frightening? Has it helped you better understand people who are passionate about their work, musicianship, or art?